How to Process Emotions

emotions how-to life coaching

One of the things that I see as a Life Coach is most people have never been taught how to process an emotion. Learning to process emotions is a learned skill that doesn't get taught at school. Before we dive into processing an emotion first let's define what emotions are, the brain releases chemicals from thoughts we think about circumstances, and the chemicals cause vibrations in the body. Most emotions do not last long, it feels like negative emotions last longer than positive ones because we do not like the uncomfortable feeling they give us. We also think thoughts repeatedly which cause us to spin in those thoughts that cause the negative emotion we don't like.

Most people do not need to process positive emotions or emotions that make them feel good because they like feeling good. Sometimes we want to feel sadness or grief over things for example, if a family member or friend passes away it feels natural and normal to feel these “negative emotions.” You also might want to feel a negative emotion about other things, a break-up, people being treated badly, and/or abuse of any kind. People get into trouble when they have long-lasting negative emotions that cause them to not function well in their everyday life. Suppressing feelings or emotions will not serve you in the long run either will over reacting to your emotions. If you suppress emotions you could end up with physical problems like ulcers, headaches, intestinal problems and, sleep problems just to name a few. In relationships with others if you suppress emotions it can get buried and turn to resentments and people pleasing tendencies. Ignoring your emotions leads to problems in all areas of your health, physically, emotionally and socially.

What I teach my clients, I learned from my coach/mentor and it seems counter intuitive, it's actually leaning into "negative emotions" and it just means acknowledging and accepting them, rather than trying to suppress or ignore them. When you can acknowledge what is happening in your body from negative emotions and allow them to be there you begin to feel a little better because you are conscious and observing them. When you ignore or suppress a negative emotion it is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater it will eventually burst up to the surface. (Do not get confused with acting out from experiencing an uncomfortable emotion). Once you have allowed the emotion to be there and acknowledged it you are half-way there, here is what to do next:

  1. Name the emotion with one word, for example, shame, sadness, overwhelm, anxiety, or rejection.
  2. Find it in your body, is it in your chest, stomach, head, or throughout your whole body.
  3. Relax into it or allow it. I like to put my hand over my heart and take deep slow breaths here.
  4. Once you have allowed it ask yourself how it feels. Is it hot, cold, warm, radiates, tingly, prickly, etc?
  5. Picture it. Is it a color black, red, white, yellow, or blue? Is it tangible?
  6. Next remind yourself that this emotion is happening because of sentences you're thinking in your brain.
  7. Allow it to be and it will subside.

Repeat this process in the order you like and as many times as it takes to process the emotion. Please know that you can do all of these things listed above or part of them and still be able to process and allow the emotion to move through your body instead of resisting it. Along with this practice, you will want to practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding with yourself. Negative emotions are a normal part of life, and everyone experiences them. Without negative emotions, we would not know how to experience the positive emotions that make life so sweet.

If you found this helpful, go and try it out, process those difficult emotions, and move into a more fulfilled life that you intentionally create for yourself.

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