A Healing Journey

My 25 year marriage ended and life as I knew it was washed away like a wave crashing on the beach. After the marriage ended I did many of the things others do, I went to counseling, then a therapist, and I read and listened to self-help books, Christian books, and books my counselors recommended to me. Because I am religious I prayed and fasted, I read scriptures and talked to my church leaders, and I poured my heart out to God, numerous good friends and family.

I joined a Crossfit gym which kept my emotional pain at bay and I traded it for physical exhaustion from difficult workouts. I enrolled in college again after having graduated 22 years earlier to figure out what to do with my life. I got a part-time job and then another one. I had never taken care of myself, by myself, or lived alone ever. When I wasn't crying, depressed, studying, dying from physical pain, online dating (sorry men), starving, or Netflixing I was fine. I was in a major identity crisis, I had been a wife and mother longer than I was a single person and I had no idea how to do any of it.

I was oscillating between the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, it was not easy. I was so angry that it was stopping me from progressing. People told me time would heal the wounds and while that seemed like good advice it really doesn’t heal things if you don’t know how to heal. It's kind of like saying you'll eventually learn to play tennis but you never get a racket or take a lesson. I kept having the same pain resurfacing again and again. It was taxing on me and all my close relationships not to mention my social media became one sad quote after another.

I have always been a person that doesn't like change and this change was no exception.

Finally, I found a way to heal myself through coaching and I wish I had found it sooner. This is why I am sharing this with you now so I can help someone else get through the pain quicker than I did.

I learned through coaching that I had power over my thoughts and that I was causing my own pain, not my divorce, what?? Yes, you read that correctly, I was causing my own pain by constantly thinking thoughts about it, and rehearsing all the painful things from my marriage and divorce. I was reliving it over and over again. I didn't know that my thoughts were producing my emotions and that I could choose to produce different feelings instead of pain and suffering. Of course, this initial circumstance of my ex not wanting to continue the marriage was painful and I wanted to feel sad, angry, hurt, and all the feelings that would normally go along with this situation. But after a while, I didn't want to feel these painful feelings on the regular and I wanted to stop the sadness and grief. However, I didn't know how to process the pain and allow it to come up and let go of it like I do now. I only knew how to control pain by not eating, and avoiding feelings by getting deeply involved in many other things which temporarily lessened the pain but the pain kept resurfacing because what we resist persists.

My life felt like a roller coaster of emotions until I learned to manage my brain by using the self-coaching model. I learned the model from my coach. I began to learn strategies for managing my thoughts and how to self-coach myself through whatever problem I was having at the time. When I learned this model I could see how powerful it was in my life because I was able to handle painful situations with more self-confidence and less self-judgment. I feel like the model is a superpower and everyone would benefit by having this power.

I love coaching and the model so much that I decided I needed to become a Life Coach like my mentor and teach others how to manage their brain, emotions, and actions to get a different result. I have the blueprint for how to have a happier life. I am forever grateful for this work and how impactful it has been on my life and relationships.

I am so happy to be a Life Coach and keep striving to become the best person I can be.

The only person that can assure you that your life is happy or miserable is you and your thoughts about it.

My advice to anyone reading this is, do not hesitate to get coached but run to get coached to be happier in all aspects of your life.